As School Ends, Celebrate Your Child But Resist The Bells and Whistles
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
School’s out today for my kids - a day they have been looking forward to more and more over the last few weeks. For kids, today is about mixed feelings as they realize their familiar routine is about to be disrupted. They have yet to really take stock into the year they’ve had - today is about friends.
For parents, today produces an endless slide-show of the year’s highs, and perhaps a few lows. If today marks a big milestone, such as moving to a new school or a graduation, you may have a more robust slide show of many years of images. We’re experiencing that as your youngest daughter completes elementary school and prepares to walk to her new chapter in Middle School as an “official” big kid, as she likes to remind us daily. I have to admit, we are having much more trouble with this than she is but it is all good!
Marking days like today is important. Schools often have celebrations and so do families. For me, as a parent and a pediatrician, the celebration is what is important. Celebrate the child and the child’s achievements. It is important that the child recognize how proud you are of him and how thrilled you are off all her firsts. The lows are so not important today.
What about gifts? That is a personal decision but I’d caution you to not go overboard. Homemade gifts go so far sometimes, or something simple. Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are fantastic examples of this. My nephew made some amazingly creative gifts for all the dads last weekend out of tape, popcicle sticks and “sporks” and the dads were awed and he was thrilled.That was what made the day.
If you do decide on a gift, my one request is to try and not link it to achievement. For example, there should be no extra reward for getting A’s over B’s. The reward should be just to give your best, regardless of the grade. As parents, we have to accept that not all kids are A students and that many variables go into the giving out of those grades. We have to recall the moments in our life when we reached for the A and didn’t get it. Even as a doctor, I didn’t always nail the A! So, don’t set the bar so high for your kids they can’t reach it. Keep in mind that if you have different kids, the reward system does have to be consistent for all. So, just reward the effort. Reward the child.
Before I close, keep in mind that teachers are a big part of our kids’ memories. Sometimes encouraging them to write a thank you or send a note to a teacher that touched them in a special way can help end a year on a high note, and wash away those weird feelings of not knowing what to say as a year comes to an end. You’ll be surprised by what your child writes, and the teachers will appreciate knowing they’ve made a difference in your child’s lives - that is often the best gift a teacher can be given.
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