Girls Vs. Boys in the World Series of . . . Parenting
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
It’s one of those debates that no one can really win, like, “Is there a God?” or, “What is the Meaning of Life?” or, “If there is a God, why does he allow Paris Hilton and America’s Got Talent to exist?” But despite its Eternal Questions vibe, CNN.com has a short article today considering whether it’s harder to raise boys or girls. To be fair to the author, however, I’d have to say that I have very little to quarrel with in her scoring system.
Lets cut right to the chase, shall we? The boys win, by a score of 3 to 1, with one tie (in communication difficulty). Of course, that’s assuming that each category should be weighted equally, which I’ll admit is a debatable proposition. You can read the article itself for the insight on develomental differences (and please do, since it’s nicely done). I’m just going to add a few quick comments.
On Discipline. The author gives this point to boys, on the strength of the childhood years and the potential of ADHD mislabelling. Well, I can’t argue with that. I will say that I think the teenage years may be a bit of a wash. (Though I’ve heard that teen boys aren’t quite as recalcitrant as teen girls, I don’t know if I have any evidence on that. I do doubt that any teen boy could have matched my teen self for majestic levels of passive-aggresssive sulking or my sister’s gift for confusing histrionics in the face of disciplinary attempts, but I’m sure teenage boys have their own bag of tricks.) For me this all comes down to the effect of the, “It makes me sad/scared/upset when you do that,” lecture. I’ve seen this work on even very young girls, who responded well to discipline through empathy. Young boys, on the other hand, seem to take the position that your feelings on the matter are really your problem to deal with, not theirs. I will try to avoid pointing out that some boys never really grow out of this position.
On Physical Safety. The boys get this point as well. Obviously. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but it’s pretty well established that boys tend to be more physically intrepid–to the point of stupidity, in fact. (Another thing that some boys–again–never grow out of.) At present, my 2-year-old has a nasty scar right between his eyes, which was caused by . . . wait for it . . . hitting his head on the edge of the bed while playing Kung Fu Panda with his brother. Sometimes I think I should start a side business printing up boy’s t-shirts that say, “Really, it was an accident and totally my fault. My mom is a good mom. For real. Don’t call CPS on her.”
Communication. A tie, with boys being hard to communicate with in their younger years (due to their physical nature and slower language development), and girls nabbing the advantage as they grow older by virtue of the Byzantine intricacies of female social dynamics, otherwise known as *drama*. Since I by far prefer tantrumming toddlers to slammed doors and, “You Just Don’t Understand!!!!” I would give the edge to girls here, but maybe it’s a matter of taste.
Self-Esteem. This one goes to the girls, for all the usual reasons. The article even quotes the “research” of Carol Gilligan. I should probably pass over this, since the whole issue of self-esteem and children’s development tends to send me on a rant, so I will simply note that girls do not have a monopoly on the question of low self-esteem, that self-esteem doesn’t necessarily correlate to success, and that even in a list of intangibles, this seems a bit too vague and tacked-on.
School. And I must here admit that this makes up for the whole self-esteem entry. Because the author at least admits that there are real problems for boys in modern schooling–which means problems for parents of boys as well. It makes me a little sad that it is such a matter of fact conclusion–classes aren’t generally well-matched to boys’ styles of learning, but it’s hard to argue with the truth. Now, we just need to see what we can do to change that.
Visit 1800blogger to see all of our industry leading blogs.
Leave a Reply
