Community Concerns, Safety and Security
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
Some patients you never forget as a physician. A few years ago around the 4th of July, I was working in an Emergency Room here in the BayState when a teenager was brought in by his dad for a burn on his leg from a fireworks accident. It turns out this teen had a few bottle rockets in his pocket up north and they went off as he walked by a camp fire they had one evening. They had the leg looked at by a local ER that evening then came to us the following day. We sent him quickly to the Shriner’s Hospital in Boston on heavy duty pain medications.
A few years before that, a relative gave my toddler nephew a sparkler to hold and it burned all the way down to the end, while my nephew was still holding it! The relative had walked away and failed to realize how quickly those things burned down. Perhaps he thought the sparkler just sparkled without burning down. My nephew had quite the burn on his little hand for a long while.
A few years after that, we were visiting relatives in Connecticut where camp fires were being set up all up and down the beach with fireworks being set off just on the side by people who were drinking too much while their kids were sitting near by. We quickly took our kids away from the beach and back to the house of our relatives.
Fireworks are like playing with gigantic exploding matches. They are admittedly beautiful and awe-inspiring at times but we have to have a healthy respect for the power of the punch they pack. There have been lives lost from even professionals working with fireworks. Amateurs working with fireworks ups the danger risk even more.
Here’s some information to keep your family safe this 4th of July – and all summer long!
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Don’t Forget Fun and Free Time This Summer For Your Kids
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
Watching Chronicle HD last night, Ted Reinstein ended the show with one of his very funny and poignant on air columns. The one perked my ears immediately: “Let Summer Be Summer”. The entire show was about summer and Ted had just a few opinions about what that should be about for kids. Here are a few highlights from the column:
- “Not only may “freedom” merely be “just another word for nothing left to lose,” but many parents today act as if there is literally no time to lose once their child’s school year is over for the summer. Camps of all kinds, structured activities from the academic to artistic, and one-and-two-week intensive sports clinics — not to mention the earlier and earlier fall starting dates of school systems everywhere — have all combined to create the incredible shrinking summer vacation.”
- “Some experts estimate that kids today have half as much free time as they did just 30 years ago.”
Ted quoted Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph.D., the author of a new book called “Einstein Never Used Flashcards….”. Hirsh-Pasek’s point is exactly what pediatricians have been emphasizing for years: free time is what kids need - and important to their growth, development and well being. How we fell off that band wagon is honestly a mystery to me. None of us had childhoods like our kids have - we had summers and free time.
Even our much beloved sports heroes get an off season. So, too, do our kids teachers! Perhaps it will help everyone to just view summer time as the “school off season” where the official rule book states “all kids will have lack of formal structure and plenty of time to just be kids. And, all parental attempts at plans must be kid-approved.”
I love Ted’s conclusion:
“Let your kid skip the soccer clinic or the computer camp. Yeah, someone has to basically be around, but cobble that together between parents.Summer’s here; let ‘em make some memories from something they discover, not that you have planned.So what if they flood a village?”
On air, he actually added the comment: “that’s why they call this summer vacation!”
BTW, do we practice what I preach? You bet! We go with a strict less is more plan. Some weeks have camp but others have unplanned nothingness to just use as moods strike. Each and every one of us is on the “anti-school year schedule” - even us parents. Give it a try - I promise you won’t be disappointed!
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Shut Up! (and Other Communication Issues)
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
Sometimes, I look forward to getting old enough to talk about, “the good old days,” in a crotchety and un-ironic way. I’ll admit that I’ve already given it a try with my youngest sister to good effect. (”When I was your age, we didn’t have mp3s or CDs, but had to illegally copy our songs from other people’s casette tapes, and also Michael Jackson was considered a musical genius rather than a weirdo freak.” I confess that she didn’t believe me on the second point.) I even wonder what it is that I’ll be crotchety about. Maybe something like, “You kids have it so easy. In my day, it could take several seconds for webpages to load, and sometimes the server would even crash!”
The reason this comes to mind is that I wanted to complain about the need to be controversial in order to cut through the media clutter, at the same time that controversy undermines credibility and authority. This comes up because of the inflammatory article from the Daily Mail, colorfully titled “Shut Up! Women Teachers Told Their Constant Talking Puts Boys Off School Work.” I’m pretty sure you can grab the gist of the article from the title. And, assuming that you don’t live in a cave with excellent wi-fi, you can probably guess why the education expert making these points has come under fire. (As a general rule, it’s a very bad idea to tell women to, “shut up,” if that’s the actual effect you desire, as it tends to produce the opposite response.)
As it happens, the education expert telling teachers to, “shut up,” is herself a woman, and describes herself as a feminist. Her point, which is now lost beneath the fury over its wording, is (sadly) a somewhat helpful one when it comes to understanding how boys can differ from girls. She is simply trying to point out that boys can find the torrent of words that women sometimes use in description and instruction to be overwhelming, and as a result, they may tune out a bit to the detriment of their studies. While not universally true, I can definitely think of a few situations where I’ve seen this in action–even between grown men and women. I once watched a friend deliver a six-minute speech that ranged from how she had felt that day to what some stranger had said to her at the store, the point of which was to tell her husband that there was something wrong with the car. As a woman, I had no problem whatsoever following her, but I watched her husband pass through the many stages of communication annoyance, from confusion to irritation, and finally to interruption with a demand to get to the point. Boys in school don’t really have the luxury of utilizing that last stage.
And here I’ve provided you with an excellent print example of what I’m talking about. I just blathered on for the better part of a paragraph to illustrate the point that women can use a lot more words than men in communicating. And men and boys can find that frustrating. Unfortunately, the words used by the education expert in the above article will turn a lot of people off of her message, which is just another form of the recommendation that teachers pay attention to how the communicate with their students. Hardly revolutionary stuff. At least, it wasn’t back in my day.
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Getting Boys Into Books (Yet Again)
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
If you want to experience an interesting slice of pop culture history, visit the cookbook section of a used book store. It’s like looking at a snapshot of the recent history of diet fads, short-lived celebrity, and health fads–and all in just a few books. Today I found cookbooks from Susan Powter (yes, the really loud diet and exercise woman from the ’90s), Kathy Lee Gifford, and The Sopranos. Not to mention the glut of low-carb books (are we done with the low-carb thing yet?), amusingly positioned right next to the pasta-centric diet books of the late ’80s. I predict that in about 8 years, the entire section will consist solely of Rachel Ray books.
The reason that I was in a used bookstore is because I’m cheap, but I like to read. And I have no objection to digging through stacks of Tom Clancy and John Grisham potboilers to try to find a 50-cent copy of a spy thriller that I will take home and read two chapters of before I realize that I’ve already read this one, and that the CIA agent turns out to be a turncoat. (Note: the CIA agent is almost always the turncoat. If the real word was anything like the political thriller genre, then it would be no wonder that there were problems with our ability to gather intelligence, as the CIA would be too busy betraying people–usually noble and daring military officers who also happen to be dashingly-handsome-in-a-modest-yet-macsuline way–to get anything done at all.)
My, but it’s taking me a long time to get to the point today.
Anyway, the other reason that I was at the used book store is because I like to encourage my boys to read, but I must confess that they can be a tad over-enthusiastic in their enjoyment, leading to ripped covers, missing pages, and so on. I think that when we picture reading to our children, we like to imagine everyone snuggled together on the couch, children listening rapt with attention while Mom or Dad reads from a weathered copy of a beloved childhood favorite. When the reality (Mom succumbs to repeated demands to read a dull picture book about a commercially licensed character, with one child talking over her and identifying the contents of the pictures, while yet another child continually bounces around and fidgets) falls so far from the ideal, it’s easy to get discouraged.
So in my efforts to keep my boys interested in books, I’ve decided that it is in our best interest to strip away some of the mystique of books. Sure, I still make everyone sit still for my nostalgic moment with a childhood classic from time to time, but the real goal is to get the boys to like books. So we make trips to the bookstore to let them pick out things that strike their interest, so that they can get excited about “their” book. (Not to mention that it’s always interesting to see where your little boy’s interest is at the moment. Much to my surprise, my four-year-old decided that today he wanted a book about the solar system and a kids’ cookbook. Though the cookbook had a large picture of a chocolate birthday cake on it, so I’m not exactly mystified about his motivation for picking that one.)
The simple truth of the matter is that in order to get boys interested in books, you need to have books around that they can be interested in. Things like used bookstores, yard sales, library sales, and so on are a great way to accomplish that without a lot of expense. Not only that, but unlike certain large bookstore chains that shall remain nameless, they also don’t feel the need to embellish their children’s section with a gigantic train table featuring Thomas and Friends and the entire Island of Sodor in miniature for children to play with.
This, of course, means that leaving the bookstore without an ugly scene requires top-flight negotiation skills and not a little covert action–all of which can be brought to a standstill by some other Mom making a big noise about how much fun everyone’s having at the train table. She’s probably another one of those CIA agents.
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Massachusetts Doctors Taking a Stand on Pharmaceutical Gift Giving In Healthcare
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
White Coat Notes posted yesterday about a Massachusetts bill backed by physicians and medical students that would ban gifts to physicians and medical students that serve no other need than to influence prescribing practices. I’m firmly in support of this and, to be honest, have never understood the practice. The letter by Drs. Angell, Colemann, Kassirer, and Tosi to Governor Patrick and Senate President Murry and Speaker DiMasi say it all.
The question I have with gifting is this: what purpose does it serve in helping us do our job? I don’t have an issue with big companies and pharmaceutical companies helping to sponsor our educational events and conferences. I don’t have an issue with grants. Where I have the issue, and many others, is gifting that has no purpose other than to influence prescribing practices. We need unbiased information these days and help in keeping tabs of all the new drugs. What we do with the information after that needs to be unbiased for us to care as best we can for our patients.
This doesn’t mean that we are saying “gifts are bad”. Some gifts are wonderful. I’ll will always cherish the spontaneous cards and baked goods I’ve received from patients over the years and the endless hand-shakes and thank yous. Or, the smiles on the many faces of kids as they leave the office realizing “that wasn’t so bad”. Or, when a family asks me if I’m accepting new patients, even though they know as an urgent care physician I don’t actually have a panel. One mom said to me “it doesn’t hurt to ask - again. May be you’ll change your mind someday.” Those are the gifts that keep me going. Those are the “right” kind of gifts.
But, like with teacher end of the year gifts, physicians need to be upheld to a very high ethical standard and it is about time we have an enforceable standards. Teacher gifts exceeding a certain amount actually have to be reported to the State Education Ethics Board. Physicians need a similar authoritative organization to fall back on. And, given what we do, I love the idea of a law!
Ending this wrong kind of gift giving in medicine will help us remove some of the junk and chaos in an already broken medical system so we can move on to other issues that need to be fixed - and we know there are others. The bill has passed the senate and is in the Massachusetts house. Fingers crossed….
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When You Are The Patient - Talk To Your Kids So They Don’t Freak Out
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
Today I have to get an epidural spinal shot to finally kill this back pain from January’s injury. As those of you know with backs, these things usually “just happen”…and that was the case with me. I was putting away holidays dishes on New Year’s Day, actually. I joke with my friends that the least I could have gotten with this mess is a good story to tell - like I was playing javelin with the Christmas Tree. But, with backs, no such luck!
Being a physician and a patient has been an interesting ride and eventually I’ll share many of the lessons I’ve learned along the way, and there have been many. The one thing I will tell you is that backs are on unexact medical science mostly because no two patients are alike. Back issues are also one of the most common issues adults face and are being treated for - I currently know at least 1/2 dozen people all suffering from various forms of back pain, herniated discs and sciatica and we all have had different treatment plans, different results from the same treatment plans and different outcomes.
My issue seems to be a herniated disc, or two - perhaps. That has yet to be really sorted out. What has been sorted out is conventional pain treatment hasn’t worked for very long. What I call “treatment stickiness” just hasn’t been there. People who know me, know I avoid invasive treatments like the plague - just isn’t my style, while I know many who opted for the epidural upfront because that was more along their comfort line. I was initially improving on medications and physical therapy then hit a few walls that made it clear to me, my doctors, my family and my friends that I had to face the music and go the next step. If you are a back patient, you will need those supports - not easy making these decisions.
Over the last 5 months, my mind has strayed to my kids a great deal. Helping your children when you are a patient is no easy task, and you’ll drop the ball a great deal - pain just makes it difficult to function at your best all the time. At ages 10 and 13, my kids are astutely aware of what is going on with their parents and have a lot of questions. They are also quite internet savvy! Let me pass on a few tips that have helped us as we’ve traversed this territory with our kids over the past 5 months, hopefully turning onto much easier terrain today:
1. Don’t make it all about you or your injury. That is hard when the pain soars - and back pain can be through the roof! Honestly, not your kids’ problem. You need to, at some point, pull yourself up by your boot straps and let the rhythm of your family be a help to you and a distraction. It can be if you let it and also has the perk of helping your kids not get too consumed in a world they don’t need to be.
2. Keep it in perspective and recognize that how you handle medical situations and tests may be how your kids learn to do the same. My situation is difficult but not life-threatening and while contains some difficult hurdles, it really all is in perspective. It is fine to let the kids know when you are having a “bad” day, but on the good days, make them good.
3. Explain the medical stuff on their terms and when they ask. Help your kids find internet resources that are age-appropriate. There’s a lot of stuff on line that can be over-whelming for kids and you don’t want them to read about your condition from a source you haven’t found.
4. Touch base with other adults in their life to see if they are chatting about you and your condition. I learned from one of my daughter’s teachers that she was obsessed for a while that I would need surgery, a topic we hadn’t discussed at home. She was actually a bit moody at home and learning this fact really helped us raise issues we hadn’t thought to discuss, but her friends had! Why was she trying to be ok at home? To not burden me. That is how kids are when a parent is down for whatever reason.
5. Keep family time as preserved as possible and if you have to alter the plan make it up as soon as possible. Or, come up with plan b. We found I couldn’t sit at a movie theatre very easily for a while so we had movie night at home for a while.
6. Finally, keep your family in mind when sorting out your medical plan. They do matter and should matter in that decision. Not all treatment paths are family friendly and some treatment paths may get you back to a better family life sooner than later while others won’t. You have to ask a great deal of questions and be willing to say “this isn’t working for us - what else do you have?”
BTW, what do your kids really want to know in a situation like this? They want to know that you’ll be ok - the details are not quite as important as you may think so don’t get too lost in those.
In the end, with kids in the mix, it is about balance.
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It’s Linkmania in the Newmennium!
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
Hooray for Friday! There’s nothing quite like the feeling of knowing that you can procrastinate with peace of mind for at least a day or two. I feel that the spirits are telling me to spend today’s blog in linking to other sites. And of course, who wants to deal with grouchy spirits? Not me, so I think I’ll follow their guidance, which coincidentally exactly tallies with what I’d rather do anyway. (Hence, the difference between God and vague “spirits,” since the latter almost always fits in with what you want to do, while the former tends to side with what you should do, which of course is almost never the same thing.)
Anyway, there’s a new blog out there right now called “Why Boys Fail,” and written by Richard Whitmire of USA Today. It covers the achievement gap and other boys’ issues, and is well-written and interesting to boot, so be sure to check it out. (But don’t forget to keep coming here for your regular fix of off-topic digressions and parentheses abuse.)
And while you’re at it, be sure to go to the Blogger’s Choice Awards site and vote for this blog–it’s entered under “Best Charity,” “Best Parenting,” “Best Health,” and “Hottest Mommy Blogger.” For those who are concerned about strict accuracy, I’m pretty sure that the “hot” factor has more to do with entertainment value than appearance, so no worries.
And I think I’ll wind up with a completely unrelated video today. Because I’m a chick, I watch So You Think You Can Dance. As it happens, I’m under no illusions whatsoever that I can dance–quite the contrary. But a week or so ago, there was a great hip-hop routine about a guy telling his girlfriend that he’s being sent off to war, and it was so nicely done that it changed the way I look at hip-hop dancing. (Wait–I can make it relevent to boys. Considering how good the guy is in this routine–without ever sacrificing masculinity–I can just reiterate what a shame it is when people push boys out of the arts and stereotype it as “feminine.”) Anyway, enjoy:
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Teens and Pregnancy:
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
Teens are becoming pregnant today at rates that are on the rise and as a society we have to realize we are not helping the situation one bit!
Movies depicting teen pregnancy and teen stars having babies are a sign of the times. While many teens will view those Hollywood images as a lesson plan for what not to do, many just can’t see it - their hormones blind them too much.
There are many reasons for teen pregnancy. The usual situation is due to being impulsive and not planning ahead, combined with not having birth control. But, this week we learned that some teens may be getting pregnant on purpose. This week’s news of a “pregnancy pact” in Gloucester, MA, is troubling.
This town does not make available birth control in the school unless a parent agrees. That in and of itself deserves exploring, as it does in all our communities today. With 17 teen girls pregnant in this one town, we have to ask, would better birth control counseling and other community supports have made a difference? If teens have free access to birth control, would it have made a difference? Do teens need a frank lesson in what life as a teen parent would be life, in all our communities?! This is a new twist to an old lesson but clearly may be needed. The upcoming Baby Borrowers TV show on NBC is based on this exact issue.
On MSNBC, Greg Verga, chairman of the Gloucester School Committee states:
“But even if we had contraceptives, that pact shows that if they wanted to get pregnant, they will get pregnant. Whether we distribute contraceptives is irrelevant.”
What Mr. Verga is missing is that contraceptives mean nothing without education behind them. Teens don’t understand the burden of a baby. They are looking for the attention that having a baby creates in becoming pregnant and the baby showers and all that sort of stuff. They can’t predict the permanence and impact on their lives beyond that. Plus, making contraceptives available protects the rest of the teens who are trying to be responsible and stay safe. So, this reasoning doesn’t work for me.
The issue of a “pact” needs to be explored. Knowing how powerful peer pressure is, I can picture how such a pact would come to be. Teens enter into pacts for all sorts of things in their lives.
What this opens our eyes to is the need for adult involvement with teens at many levels. Parents need to be involved and the school needs to be involved. In a community where some teens may have difficult homes lives, the schools need to do more with social workers and work with State resources to make sure these teens have places to go after school. A good teen community program to help teens organize their time in jobs and activities would go a long way in building up the self-esteem of teens and help them stay out of trouble.
You’ve heard me say before that “a busy teen is a teen out of trouble”. This is a good example of the type of trouble teens can get into when not busy. But, teens need the right kind of busy with some mentoring and guidance. Self-esteem building does not occur overnight and teens who have had difficult home lives and troubles along the way may not be willing participants because they will have trouble trusting.
The Gloucester Superintendent definitely hit the nail on the head that these girls are lacking self-esteem and looking for love. Don’t think for a moment this can’t occur with our teens. Self-esteem and feeling un-loved can happen to any teen - their hormones make them crave attention and seek out approval.
There is nothing worse than seeing a baby in my office whose mom is barely older than my daughter - and needs her mom there to help out because she does not understand her own child’s needs. That is the reality. And, we have to do whatever it takes to stop that from increasing in numbers even more.
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As School Ends, Celebrate Your Child But Resist The Bells and Whistles
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
School’s out today for my kids - a day they have been looking forward to more and more over the last few weeks. For kids, today is about mixed feelings as they realize their familiar routine is about to be disrupted. They have yet to really take stock into the year they’ve had - today is about friends.
For parents, today produces an endless slide-show of the year’s highs, and perhaps a few lows. If today marks a big milestone, such as moving to a new school or a graduation, you may have a more robust slide show of many years of images. We’re experiencing that as your youngest daughter completes elementary school and prepares to walk to her new chapter in Middle School as an “official” big kid, as she likes to remind us daily. I have to admit, we are having much more trouble with this than she is but it is all good!
Marking days like today is important. Schools often have celebrations and so do families. For me, as a parent and a pediatrician, the celebration is what is important. Celebrate the child and the child’s achievements. It is important that the child recognize how proud you are of him and how thrilled you are off all her firsts. The lows are so not important today.
What about gifts? That is a personal decision but I’d caution you to not go overboard. Homemade gifts go so far sometimes, or something simple. Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are fantastic examples of this. My nephew made some amazingly creative gifts for all the dads last weekend out of tape, popcicle sticks and “sporks” and the dads were awed and he was thrilled.That was what made the day.
If you do decide on a gift, my one request is to try and not link it to achievement. For example, there should be no extra reward for getting A’s over B’s. The reward should be just to give your best, regardless of the grade. As parents, we have to accept that not all kids are A students and that many variables go into the giving out of those grades. We have to recall the moments in our life when we reached for the A and didn’t get it. Even as a doctor, I didn’t always nail the A! So, don’t set the bar so high for your kids they can’t reach it. Keep in mind that if you have different kids, the reward system does have to be consistent for all. So, just reward the effort. Reward the child.
Before I close, keep in mind that teachers are a big part of our kids’ memories. Sometimes encouraging them to write a thank you or send a note to a teacher that touched them in a special way can help end a year on a high note, and wash away those weird feelings of not knowing what to say as a year comes to an end. You’ll be surprised by what your child writes, and the teachers will appreciate knowing they’ve made a difference in your child’s lives - that is often the best gift a teacher can be given.
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Give your Baby Safety and Security with a Baby Sling
Submitted by Childn’Parent
Bringing home your newborn baby is such an exciting experience. With the new sights, sounds and smells of a home environment, your baby will have a lot to get used to. You can be an anchor of safety and security as you snuggle them in a baby sling.
Carrying your baby in a baby sling recreates the soothing experience of being in the womb. As you move, the rocking and swaying motions will be soothing and familiar to your newborn.
In a baby sling, your new baby can adjust to new household sounds while hearing your comforting voice in the background. As your baby grows older, turning them around or to the side so that they can observe what is going on will help them learn new things about their environment.
Baby slings prevent wear and tear on back muscles from continuous bending, lifting and carrying. With a baby sling, you can comfortably carry your baby for one to two hours saving your back and arms from aches.
Carrying your baby in a baby sling allows you to bond with your baby while becoming more familiar with their personality. Unravel the mystery behind feeding, changing, sleeping and burping times by easily carrying and closely observing your baby.
Baby slings leave a busy parent with both hands free to accomplish important household tasks. Want to clean your house or help your older child with math; strap on a baby sling and get things done!
There are many baby slings available online and in retail stores. At Child N Parent/Store we offer high quality baby slings designed to be both comfortable and fashionable. Order one today!
By: Debby Hoffer
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Girls Vs. Boys in the World Series of . . . Parenting
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
It’s one of those debates that no one can really win, like, “Is there a God?” or, “What is the Meaning of Life?” or, “If there is a God, why does he allow Paris Hilton and America’s Got Talent to exist?” But despite its Eternal Questions vibe, CNN.com has a short article today considering whether it’s harder to raise boys or girls. To be fair to the author, however, I’d have to say that I have very little to quarrel with in her scoring system.
Lets cut right to the chase, shall we? The boys win, by a score of 3 to 1, with one tie (in communication difficulty). Of course, that’s assuming that each category should be weighted equally, which I’ll admit is a debatable proposition. You can read the article itself for the insight on develomental differences (and please do, since it’s nicely done). I’m just going to add a few quick comments.
On Discipline. The author gives this point to boys, on the strength of the childhood years and the potential of ADHD mislabelling. Well, I can’t argue with that. I will say that I think the teenage years may be a bit of a wash. (Though I’ve heard that teen boys aren’t quite as recalcitrant as teen girls, I don’t know if I have any evidence on that. I do doubt that any teen boy could have matched my teen self for majestic levels of passive-aggresssive sulking or my sister’s gift for confusing histrionics in the face of disciplinary attempts, but I’m sure teenage boys have their own bag of tricks.) For me this all comes down to the effect of the, “It makes me sad/scared/upset when you do that,” lecture. I’ve seen this work on even very young girls, who responded well to discipline through empathy. Young boys, on the other hand, seem to take the position that your feelings on the matter are really your problem to deal with, not theirs. I will try to avoid pointing out that some boys never really grow out of this position.
On Physical Safety. The boys get this point as well. Obviously. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but it’s pretty well established that boys tend to be more physically intrepid–to the point of stupidity, in fact. (Another thing that some boys–again–never grow out of.) At present, my 2-year-old has a nasty scar right between his eyes, which was caused by . . . wait for it . . . hitting his head on the edge of the bed while playing Kung Fu Panda with his brother. Sometimes I think I should start a side business printing up boy’s t-shirts that say, “Really, it was an accident and totally my fault. My mom is a good mom. For real. Don’t call CPS on her.”
Communication. A tie, with boys being hard to communicate with in their younger years (due to their physical nature and slower language development), and girls nabbing the advantage as they grow older by virtue of the Byzantine intricacies of female social dynamics, otherwise known as *drama*. Since I by far prefer tantrumming toddlers to slammed doors and, “You Just Don’t Understand!!!!” I would give the edge to girls here, but maybe it’s a matter of taste.
Self-Esteem. This one goes to the girls, for all the usual reasons. The article even quotes the “research” of Carol Gilligan. I should probably pass over this, since the whole issue of self-esteem and children’s development tends to send me on a rant, so I will simply note that girls do not have a monopoly on the question of low self-esteem, that self-esteem doesn’t necessarily correlate to success, and that even in a list of intangibles, this seems a bit too vague and tacked-on.
School. And I must here admit that this makes up for the whole self-esteem entry. Because the author at least admits that there are real problems for boys in modern schooling–which means problems for parents of boys as well. It makes me a little sad that it is such a matter of fact conclusion–classes aren’t generally well-matched to boys’ styles of learning, but it’s hard to argue with the truth. Now, we just need to see what we can do to change that.
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What Being Feisty Begets
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
Well, this is one of those things that it is easy to make far too much of (as with most preliminary scientific studies), but it was also too much fun to ignore. According to recent research from scientists at Auckland University, “feisty” women are more likely to have boys. This leads to no end of amusing speculation, like:
- How is “feistiness” measured? Is it distinct from mere crabbiness?
- My oldest 2 children are boys, while my youngest is a girl (and a feisty girl at that). Does this mean that I’ve grown progressively less feisty over time? And is this a good thing or a bad thing? (I have no doubt that my husband has an opinion on the matter, and I devoutly hope that he will be able to restrain himself from posting his thoughts.)
- And, since I’m in the middle of watching The Tudors on DVD, does this get Henry VIII off the hook? I hope not, because he’s really one of the historical figures that I love to hate. Not to mention that Katherine of Aragon (and how embarrassing that I almost wrote, “Aragorn,” instead, thereby tripling the nerdiness quotient of this entry) seemed reasonably feisty, as did Anne Boleyn–though I guess the jury is out on whether intrigue and manipulation fall under the “feisty” label.
Disappointingly, it seems that so far these results have only been tested in animals, though the researchers expect to see the same thing in humans. And, apparently, the measure of feistiness is really just a measure of testosterone level in the womb (which tends to be higher in more aggressive women), which tends to make for a more hospitable environment for the boy-producing sperm. I’m pretty sure that the actual scientific report had a more technical and accurate way of describing the phenomenon.
Apparently, if you’re not “feisty,” “aggressive,” “confident,” or whichever euphemism we’re using for being more testosterone-y, however, that doesn’t mean that you won’t have a boy. In addition to the wonderful randomness of nature, there is also the finding that testerone levels in the womb also increase under stress or anxiety.
How much all of this proves to be true in humans remains to be seen of course. Though I can state with absolute certainty that regardless of what happens in the womb, the arrival of boys tends to cause feistiness and stress, and often simultaneously.
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Coffee Lovers Rejoice! A New Study Says Java May be Good For Your Heart.
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
My kids laugh that I’m “addicted to the bean”. If I’m not myself on any given day, the first thing one of them will ask is how much java I’ve had - they assume my off mood is due to not having too much coffee, but not having enough. I used to worry that I was drinking too much coffee and have pondered switching to 1/2 caf or trying to cut down, but after reading today’s headlines, I’m not changing a thing!
According to USA Today, a new study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine reports a dose-response in coffee drinking and dying from heart disease. Turns out the more cups of coffee you drink the less you are likely to die of heart disease. Now, how cool is that! To add a cherry to this situation, women are more protected from this phenomenon than men. Researchers are not sure why at the moment but the study did show that 4-6 cups a day of coffee seems to provide the most protection, up to a 26% reduction in dying from heart disease.
Caffeine doesn’t seem to be the culprit since the findings were true in caffeine and decaf drinkers. And, the coffee drinking itself may not completely explain living longer. It only seems to explain not dying from heart disease. So, more studies are needed to sort this out a bit more.
As WebMD notes, coffee has been linked to other health benefits including a reduction in diabetes and colon cancer. Prior studies of the impact of caffeine and coffee on heart health have produced some confusing results so this new study is a welcome addition to the landscape and provides our first true evidence that coffee may be good for our hearts.
So, what do we know today? For many of us, coffee is definitely good for our souls - and at moment seems good for our hearts, and our overall health. So, go ahead and have a few cups a day. Everything in moderation should always be your driving principle and with this study in hand, perhaps moderation plus a cup more will do you a bit of good - just make that extra cup decaf so you can sleep at night!
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Restuarant Etiquette: Lead By Example
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
I was at a restaurant recently with my kids when a family of 4 was seated at a table near us, mom, dad and two kids that looked to be older elementary school age. Mom was apparently helping guide the kids to what to eat and we could over hear phrases now and again such as “healthy”, and “not so good for you”. “Why don’t you order this instead of that”, as she pointed. When their orders arrived, I noticed basic food with sandwiches and the like. Mom had a big fruit salad in front of her but then a few minutes later a huge plate of french fries arrived. Then, she took off her shoes and sat with her legs crissed-crossed on the chair. I should have mentioned we were in a restaurant in a fairly nice hotel. Dad was relatively quiet during this episode, by the way, and I believe he had a burger.
This image has stuck with me for a few weeks now. We all splurge from time to time, especially while eating out. And, eating “healthy” on vacation is a challenge. What stuck with me since this scene played out was not only the mixed messages this mom was giving these kids but about the lessons they were learning from her about how to act in public.
First, the lessons. Kids should learn to eat guilt free. It is perfectly fine to have a few chips and fries with a meal if kids understand portions and exercise and that they can’t eat fries and chips all the time. That takes time to learn and embody. It confusing for kids for parents to seemingly have a rule but not follow it them selves.
Second, the shoes. This is a pet peeve of mine. Shoes should be worn in public and for our kids to understand that, we have to wear them. They were not eating at pool side - this was a nice place. Perhaps they don’t “get out much”, as my kids like to say, but there is some decorum we all have to pass on to our kids for how to act in certain settings.
So, let’s try and lead by example. Our world these days is stressful enough. If we undo the expectations of how to act in public, our kids won’t know how to act when they are all grown up - and won’t know how to make healthy choices when faced with a menu without us around.
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Video Fitness
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
I will admit that I’ve never really been a big fan of video game-based exercise plans. I tried Dance Dance Revolution and have seen other fitness-based games, and I remain convinced that while they may work for a small group of people, they are generally ineffective. Though I don’t have anything to back it up scientifically, it doesn’t seem like they do much in terms of encouraging a healthy lifestyle or even in demanding much in the way of sustained exercise. For example, I was slightly horrified to hear about how some schools were trying to use Dance Dance Revolution in gym class. Sure, if you go about it like this kid, then you’re undoubtedly getting some exercise out of it:
But, let’s face it, most people aren’t playing at that level of difficulty or intensity. Not to mention that 3 minutes of dance pad maneuvers followed by 15 minutes of waiting for your turn again don’t really meet the standard of what I would expect from a school gym class.
Anyway, despite my reservations with the whole video game fitness thing, we went ahead and bought Wii Fit. And I may have to eat my words. Which isn’t entirely bad, because my words taste like sweet, sweet chocolate donuts.
I’m not going to go through the whole spiel of what Wii Fit is and how it works because, alas, Nintendo is not paying me to promote it for them. (Not that they would need me to anyway, since the darned thing is sold out everywhere.) But there are a few things about it that I think are very promising when it comes to video game fitness:
- You can actually work up a sweat doing some of this stuff, and there’s a good variety of different things to do, from Yoga and calisthenics to aerobic exercise.
- The game system makes an effort to provide guidance and feedback on doing exercises correctly.
- There’s a really cute and creative way to track your progress, build up points for new games/exercise programs, set goals, and so on. The downside is that the little character that represents you in the game reflects your weight/body size, which can be a tad depressing for those of us who could stand to lose a few pounds. The good news is that your little cartoon avatar only gets chubby in the midsection, and not (thank God) in the thigh or chin regions.
- Finally, there is an awareness to the game that this is not meant to be your only source of exercise, but more of a fitness option or doorway into a healthier lifestyle. The fact that it’s not meant to be some kind of miracle weight loss tool scores a lot of points with me.
Of course, if we were going to go about this scientifically, I would give you my weight and let you all track with me whether the Wii Fit is actually effective. That’s not going to happen. In the anonymity of the internet, I would prefer to be something along the lines of a Filipino Cindy Crawford (or maybe Salma Hayek) rather than the more prosaic truth. The reason I am going into the subject at all is because with the concern about childhood obesity and general fitness levels, some parents are looking at different ways to make sure that their kids get their much-needed daily exercise. Because boys tend to enjoy video games, it seems like the obvious answer would be to find a good exercise-based video game to engage them. And while nothing can (or should) take the place of more traditional exercise, I will admit that the Wii Fit does seem promising.
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Can doctors fire patients?
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
One of the most difficult aspects of being a physician is dealing with difficult patients and families. More times than not, I can negotiate around the mood and write it off as it having something to do with whatever is going on in that family’s life. Where kids are concerned, moodiness in parents is often a reflection of being stressed over the illness in the child and in raising kids in general. So, as pediatricians, we work hard to cut parents a lot of slack.
At the same time, physicians are human and deserve to be treated with respect by our patients, including parents of sick children and children who are sick and old enough to understand how to treat people and talk to them. Living in a challenging world with tough financial times, people are on edge and often come in demanding health care as if they are ordering food in a restaurant. The lack of respect we are shown at times is increasing and the inability for us, as physicians, to do our job due to people’s moods and demanding nature, is also increasing.
So, I could completely understand Dr. Parikh’s dilemma in with his patient’s mother. In his NYT piece, he wrote:
“I didn’t mind her tough questions, but her tone of voice put me on edge. She seemed suspicious, almost angry.”
Then he added:
“This time, she was more confrontational. She complained she had been “forced” to bring in her son for a physical because his school needed a doctor’s clearance before he could play sports. What kind of racket did we doctors have with schools?….I pointed out, he was due for a tetanus booster. She was unimpressed. “I don’t believe in preventive care,” she said. “I’ll treat him for tetanus if he needs it.””
Dr. Parik’s conclusion of the visit is how we all feel after an extreme difficult encounter:
“I have had my share of difficult patients and parents. But putting up with this lady had taken more time than it was worth, and it interfered with my taking care of her son. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it again.”
As he aptly points out, the doctor-patient contract is a two way street and that there is a very explicit site of the patient/family that has to be upheld that includes not only complying with advice but not abusing the staff. Violating this contract is a valid reason for dismissing a family from a practice.
In the end, the doctor/patient relationship is a relationship and has to be a comfortable situation for everyone. There are many variables that go into whether doctors and families click and sometimes they just don’t. We all want kids to be cared for the best way possible but butting heads won’t accomplish that. So, it is reasonable if a parent and a doctor are not jiving, for the relationship to end and for the family to get another pediatrician -whether it be family initiated or physician initiated.
BTW, Dr. Parikh helped the family find a new pediatrician and said nothing to the new pediatrician about his experience with the family. That’s what a good pediatrician will do because the new pediatrician deserves a chance with this family and the family deserves a clean slate. We all believe that.
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Here Comes The Sun…But Avoid The Burn!
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
This time of year, I have a constant soundtrack of beach tunes running through my head, like Sheryl Crow’s Soak Up The Sun:
“I’m gonna soak up the sun
I’m gonna tell everyone to lighten up
I’m gonna tell ‘em that I’ve got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame, I’m lookin’ up”
The problem is, soakin’ up the sun has just a few issues associated with it: sun burns and a real risk of melanoma.
Good Morning America recently did a piece on sun safety with some great tips to keep us safe in the sun.
Did you know there are 5 easily forgotten “hot spots” for burning that people often miss when applying sunscreen?
1. hair and scalp for EVERYONE
2. top of the feet
3. cheeks
4. back of the neck
5. temple areas of the face and by the ears
So, we have to be mindful of these “hot spots” for us and our kids.
What about sunscreen?
Anything with UVA and UVB protection at SPF 30 or higher. As GMA points out, look for the word photostabilized on the bottles which is becoming the popular term to use these days. And, don’t forget the lips - they burn, too!
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends sunscreen for all babies over 6 months of age and in small areas for babies under 6 months of age. Click here for more information.
Reapply every 2 hours and keep in mind that hot shade still has UV rays penetrating through. So, while shade does minimize risk, it doesn’t eliminate it.
Sun Protectors
GMA points out some cool gadget to keep us sunsafe:
1. Melanoma bracelets that cost about $5.00 and change color in the sun to help us remember to reapply the sunscreen every 2 hours.
2. Sun-protective clothing by Columbia, Coolibar and Sun Busters are the three big brands listed. We’ve had great luck in our family with sun-protective bathing suits from Lion In The Sun.
So, bottom line, be smart in the sun. Any sun exposure is exposure even if walking to the end of the driveway to get the morning paper or the mail. We should all get in the habit of putting on sunblock and having hats and sunglasses with us and for our kids. The higher the exposure, the more we need to up the ante and add other layers of protection with more frequent applications of sunblock and perhaps special clothing. I’m thinking these extra steps are still easier than the alternative of a possible melanoma, how about you?
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Flip Flops Are Not Good For Your Feet
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
This shouldn’t be news to you but flip flops are bad for your feet. Think about them for a moment. They are completely flat with no bounce or give to them and often wobble about as we walk. Their only true benefit, as I see it, is so we can jaunt out to get the morning paper without being totally barefoot and stepping on a bug or hidden dirty nail. But, our feet are arched and the typical flip flop does provide an iota of support!
Researches from Alabama found that the actual mechanics of walking alters when people wear flip-flops and can result in pain in the foot, ankle and legs:
“We found that when people walk in flip-flops, they alter their gait, which can result in problems and pain from the foot up into the hips and lower back,’’ said Justin Shroyer, a biomechanics doctoral student who presented the findings to the recent annual meeting of the American College of Sports Medicine in Indianapolis.
So, should you ditch the flip-flops? Not necessarily. Just wear them for small durations of time and not when you anticipate walking great distances. Hanging with friends and going to the beach, flip-flops could be ok. Walking on the beach or playing frisbee, toss on your sneakers!
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It’s Tough
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
Man, is it hot around here lately. When I look out the window, I swear I can see those little cartoon lines coming off the street, making a faint sizzling noise. Needless to say, there’s not a soul to be seen–no one loiters between air conditioned house and air conditioned car when it’s this hot. If you live anywhere near me, I hope you’re drinking a lot of liquids.
This kind of weather always makes me think about toughness. It’s generally like this in August, when all sorts of sports teams are starting their practice season, and physical toughness–specifically, the ability to withstand discomfort, fatigue, and injury–are always a big part of that culture. Heck, they’re a big part of guy culture in general, if every movie, book, and song ever made have anything to them.
In general, I’m a big fan of toughness. Most especially the mental kind. And I would classify it as a virtue and one of the things that defines masculinity. I have no problem with encouraging my boys to be tough (especially if it cuts down on the level of whining in the house, as that has the added bonus of slowing my descent into madness). There is one area, however, where I think the culture of toughness can be a problem, and that is where, “walking it off,” and, “playing through the pain,” (along with all of their other metaphor friends) start to intrude on good health.
As I mentioned yesterday, this week is Men’s Health Week, and it’s a time when we try to raise awareness of the many barriers to good health faced by men and boys. And one of those barriers, unfortunately, is a tendency to delay or avoid diagnosis and treatment of illnesses and injuries with the result that a preventable or treatable problem can become much more serious before medical help is finally sought. I can’t tell you how many terrible stories I’ve heard about men who delayed checking out some problem until it because a serious medical issue, and I can’t help but feel that the culture of toughness doesn’t help the situation. So, by all means, be tough, but not too tough for your own health. Those athletes who, “play through the pain,” also have doctors and physical therapists sitting on the sidelines.
So, since it’s Men’s Health Week, how about a check-up?
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Do you drive too fast? Kid certainly say so!
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
Do you remember Alice In Wonderland? I love this song:
“I’m Late, I’m Late
for a very important date,
No time to say hello, goodbye,
I’m late, I’m late, I’m late
and when I wave,
I lose the time I save….Theres danger if I dare to stop
and heres the reason why,
(you see) I’m overdue.
Im in a rabbit stew,
Cant even say goodbye, hello,
I’m late, I’m late, I’m late….”
The problem with rushing, is that is when accidents happen - especially behind the wheel. The Police in one town in Burlington Township, NJ, became so frustrated by the amount of speeding, they decided to put an end to it by using the people at most risk, the kids, to help battle the problem.
With the help of police,these second graders made signs that the police put in speeding hot spots that read:
“Slow Down So We Don’t Get Hurt!”
If that is what it has come to, we all need to slow down!
BTW, do you know why speeding is so bad? According to saferoads.com, there were 6.2 million car accidents in 2004 with speeding accounting for 1/3 of fatalities. It was the leading cause of death in the US in 2005, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.
Speed is an issue in accidents because it:
- reduces reaction time to avoid a crash
- increases the chance of crashing
- increases how severe a crash is if it happens
Speeding tends to occur more in younger drives and when alcohol is involved.
Keep in mind our kids will learn to drive from us. So, we have to be sure we follow the rules of the road and all the safety practices that go into driving.
Next time you are late, just be late. Rushing - speeding - is not only over-rated and stressful, but potentially fatal.
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Teaching Children Joy
Submitted by Childn’Parent
With so much emphasis on early education in today’s world, some parents feel that children are missing out on a key element of life. Joy. By age 3, many toddlers are learning math and reading, but what about the joy that comes with accomplishing goals, creativity, and all of the other simple things in life that bring joy.
Joy School, an alternative to traditional preschool, was founded on a related belief that children suffer not from being started in academics too late, but by starting too soon, before they have a basis of social and emotional self esteem.
Joy school is a unique concept in which children are taught by a group of parents, usually from 3 to 6, who rotate as the teacher in their homes. With very minimal costs, and complete support online with full lesson plans and music CD’s, joy school is the perfect way to take an active role in your child’s early education.
Idea’s for joy school include starting a story and letting the children use their imagination to finish it, leaving the lid off of the popcorn maker and singing songs while the popcorn pops all over the room, as well as many other learning games and handouts.
If you are like many parents who would like to take initiative into making sure that your child learns the importance of joy, imagination, and creativity, you may want to look into joy school and see if it works for you. With over 200,000 graduates, it is quickly becoming a new learning trend and helping kids learn important values, and of course they are having a great time.
Learn more about teaching children joy. Your guide to finding your child the right preschool at Child N Parent.
By Vanessa Lee
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It’s Men’s Health Week!
Submitted by Boys and Schools Blog
Ok, so I spent a good hour this morning trying to get a good picture of an infant girl, a toddler boy, and a preschool boy. What I have to show for it is an awesome collection of pictures of children poking each other in the face, blurry head shots of children trying to avoid being poked in the face, children about to cry or just finished crying, and faces obscured by feet, elbows, hands, a felt tricorne hat, and, in one case, a beanbag. People who like to refer to, “herding cats,” have clearly never tried to direct babies. They make cats look like a model of cooperation.
Anyway, if you weren’t aware of it already, this is Men’s Health Week (in fact, June is Men’s Health Month), and this is an excellent time to take advantage of the different activities and programs that highlight the need for more awareness of preventable health problems and the early detection and treatment of disease among men and boys. Not only is this an area that is grossly overlooked in discussions of public health issues, but even among men themselves there is a tendency to delay regular check-ups and treatment for illness. Start by checking o