We’re All Stage Parents But The Key Is The Degree
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
“Stage mother”…are you one? Here’s the Wikipedia definition to help you decide:
“In the performing arts, a stage mother is a term for the mother of a child actor. The mother will often drive her child to auditions, make sure he or she is on the set on time, etc. The term sometimes has a negative connotation, suggesting that the individual is prone to obnoxiously demand special treatment for her child, or suggesting that the individual has placed inappropriate pressure on her child to succeed. Some believe that a stage mom is vicariously living out her own dreams through her child.
Quite often the stage mother will also be the official manager of her child (e.g., Thora Birch) — representing her child in negotiations for the professional services of her child.
Fathers have also been known to look after their children in this way but the large percentage of mothers looking after their children overshadows that of the number of fathers.”
Childhood today is almost like a real world case of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Look at your child as Goldilocks. What you are aiming for is the “just right” soup and bed. Right? At least, that’s what we want for our girls.
What is “just right”? Let me give you some options.
Option A: up to the child.
Option B: up to the child with a bit of help from the parent.
Option C: parent driven with the child giving some input.
If you picked B, you are right on the mark. Today, kids should have the most say with us as guides or coaches. That would make you more of a “behind the scenes” parent in a way if you want to continue the stage analogy.
If you picked A, you need to be a bit more involved. Kids do need some guidance from their parents to help figure out their interests and divide up their time. But, I’d prefer A over C!!
If you picked C, well, I already tipped my hat on this a bit. C is honestly the “stage parent” approach. This is the situation that worries me and that gives the child the least say. Childhood is for the individual child. Parents need to keep an eye on the fact that what a child does with his or her time is drive by that child’s interests. Parents in this group miss that point and keep pushing because they perhaps see a talent or a skill. Perhaps they see the next American Idol! Parents in this group become like this.
So, what kind of parent do you want to be? To truly be a “just right” parent, just remember whose childhood you are helping to mold and reinvolve your child again. It may mean you have to back off but that’s ok. Your child will turn out just fine. How will you know? By the smile on your child’s face every time your child succeeds at something with your guidance but by your child’s own motivation.
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