Three For Tuesday: If Moms Have Bad Judgment, Can We Expect Kids To?
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
Judgment is the theme of the day today, spanning the generations from teens to college students to parents.
Three headlines you have to know about, all involving judgment in slightly different ways.
First up, teen drivers. As reported by MSNBC, “half kids who died in crashes had teen drivers”. This is not new in many ways. Statistics have been clear that teen drivers are a perilous group and that has prompted the graduated license programs across the country. This we know. And, we know speed is usually an issue. What you may not realize is that the vast majority of the deaths are because the tween and teen passengers are unbuckled. This was shocking to me. Don’t we all make sure our kids are buckled in when in our own cars? So, what happens once the gang gets together? Peer pressure. Wanting to be cool. Thinking the rules are either for others or not needed. This group feels invincible and doesn’t have the judgment to understand all the ramifications of their actions. To add insult to injury, they are so impulsive that any judgment they do have occurs after the fact. Not a useful combination for safety.
You can click the image to learn more. The stats are very eye opening and have only one message for us all. Don’t trust what your teen tells you; trust what your teen’s behavior shows you. Make sure you feel comfortable with your teen’s driving behavior and don’t allow your teen to drive other teens, or let your teen get in a car with other teens, lightly. This is one situation all parents should discuss together before just letting it occur taking into account the age of the kids, driving records, and…judgment.
Next up, college kids and cell phones. MSNBC reports that undergrads feel safer having a cell phone at hand but also walk while talking, even at night. Just goes to show that the later teen years and early 20’s may not improve the judgment much beyond High School with out a bit of friendly guidance from parents and educators. Keep in mind that this group is still becoming independent, hence the enclosed nature of college campuses. While undergrads can live alone and handle being away from parents, they are not quite ready to be unleashed on the world. Think back to your own college days and all the less than wise moves you did! Judgment was not always executed well.
If you have an undergrad, forward this article. Perhaps it will prompt a discussion that a safety net can only be used if not used for other purposes.
Last up, moms gone wild. As reported by the Associated Press on just about every major news outlet, “(a)child’s birthday party at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant was cut short after a fight broke out between two mothers. Natick police said the mom of the 9-year-old birthday boy apparently became enraged because the other woman’s son was “hogging” an arcade game.”
Do I need to say more? Talk about the ultimate example of poor judgment. Is force really how those moms want to teach their children to solve conflict? Is that the message they want to give to other moms and kids?
Simply put, for kids of any age to have judgment, their parents have to have good judgment. Recklessness breeds recklessness and trickles down to all sorts of actions from driving mistakes to not using cell phones in the most safe way to poor impulse control to not behaving well on the sports field. You name it, poor judgment makes it worse.
Apples don’t fall too far from trees. Framing the first two stories with the last, are what we are seeing with teens and young adults a reflection of their developmental stage or their upbringing? If it is the former, we have something to work with. We can intervene as a society and help them learn better decision making skills and learn to assess situations better. If it is the latter, however, we may be stuck. At some point, that bad judgment will become hardwired.
My advice: look in the mirror and make sure your judgment is where you want it to be. If not, change it because I guarantee it is rewiring your kids and not in a positive way.
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