By admin | February 14, 2008
Submitted by Dr. Gwenn Is In
Valentine’s Day may be marketed as a romantic holiday, but is really one of the best family holidays of the year. It’s a day to step out of our heads and pause our busy lives and let those important to us, members of our family and circle of friends, know how important they are to us. And, yes, saying those three words, “I love you”, is an important part of that equation, even for our non romantic relationships.
Do your kids say “I love you” to you? How often? How about you? When do you tell your kids you love them? I am not entirely sure when this started but I’ve noticed lately there is a lot of love in our home. Not a day goes by without each of us saying “I love you” to the other members of the nuclear family. And, this often includes sister to sister! Heading of to school and work, going to bed are common times you’ll hear those three magical words but there are often other spontaneous moments scattered throughout the day that are more unpredictable. This extends to grandparents, too. My daughters have a weekly phone call with their grandmother who lives out of state and a swapping of “I love you” always occurs both ways.
Those are only words, though, albeit important. Actions are much more important and those are what we have to instill in our children - the actions that let others know they are loved. The American Academy of Pediatrics has a list of 14 Ways to Show Love for Your Child that is fantastic - and has the added perk of reinforcing to our kids how to show love back to others:
Use plenty of positive words with your child. Try to avoid using sarcasm with your child. They often don’t understand it, and if they do, it creates a negative interaction.
Respond promptly and lovingly to your child’s physical and emotional needs and banish put-downs from your parenting vocabulary.
Make an extra effort to set a good example at home and in public. Use words like “I’m sorry,” “please,” and “thank you.”
When your child is angry, argumentative or in a bad mood, give him a hug, cuddle, pat, secret sign or other gesture of affection he favors and talk with him about his feelings.
Use non-violent forms of discipline. Parents should institute both rewards and restrictions many years before adolescence to help prevent trouble during the teenage years. Allowing children of any age to constantly break important rules without being disciplined only encourages more rule violations.
Make plans to spend time alone with your young child or teen doing something she enjoys.
Mark family game nights on your calendar so the entire family can be together. Put a different family member’s name under each date, and have that person choose which game will be played that evening.
Owning a pet can make children, especially those with chronic illnesses and disabilities, feel better by stimulating physical activity, enhancing their overall attitude, and offering constant companionship.
One of the best ways to familiarize your child with good food choices is to encourage him to cook with you. Let him get involved in the entire process, from planning the menus to shopping for ingredients to the actual food preparation and its serving.
As your child grows up, she’ll spend most of her time developing and refining a variety of skills and abilities in all areas of her life. You should help her as much as possible by encouraging her and providing the equipment and instruction she needs.
Your child’s health depends significantly on the care and guidance you offer during his early years. By taking your child to the doctor regularly for consultations, keeping him safe from accidents, providing a nutritious diet, and encouraging exercise throughout childhood, you help protect and strengthen his body.
Help your child foster positive relationships with friends, siblings and members of the community.
One of your most important gifts as a parent is to help your child develop self-esteem. Your child needs your steady support and encouragement to discover his strengths. He needs you to believe in him as he learns to believe in himself. Loving him, spending time with him, listening to him and praising his accomplishments are all part of this process.
Don’t forget to say, “I love you” to children of all ages!
(American Academy of Pediatrics, 2/08)
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The card and gift companies and restaurants will attempt to convince you that today IS the day for love, don’t be fooled. The business of love is actually a 365(6) day event, with one big sale day tossed in. Besides, if our children only feel loved on holidays, we’ve so missed the point.
I hope you and your family are having a wonderful day - and finding new and exciting ways to show those important to you that you love and care about them.
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